An emotional post

I don't really know why, but I really feel like I need to post this. Maybe it will help me to just "say" it all outloud. I am not a secret keeper.

On October 1st we were very thrilled to find out that we were pregnant again! We were greatly looking forward to having another summer baby (due June 14th). Soon after we found out, I started having terrible nightmares. I called the doctor and asked for an ultrasound. I was hoping it would ease my mind and the nightmares would go away. Last Friday, we went for our first ultrasound. By my calculations, I was 6 weeks and 4 days. We were anticipating that we would see (maybe hear) a heartbeat. However, that was not the case. At the ultrasound, we did not see a baby. However, the doctor was optomistic after seeing a great gestational sac and a perfect yolk sac. They just assumed I was not as far along as orginally thought. So trying to think positive, we scheduled another ultrasound. Yesterday afternoon, we went back to the doctor. Unfortunately, the news we received was not good. The baby had not grown and there was no heartbeat. We were overwhelmed and obviously devastated. Since I was not having any pain, cramping, bleeding, or any other indication of a miscarriage, they scheduled a D&C for this morning.

We went to the hospital at 6:30am and were home around 10:30. Everything went well. We were so thankful that Grammar, Gramper, Aunt Hally have been keeping Reagan for us. Physically, I am doing fine. Emotionally, that is another story. It will just take some time.

As you may or may not know, this is my 3rd miscarriage. As a result, at my follow-up appointment the doctor will be ordering some testing. We will just check me for a hormonal imbalance, clotting disorder, or something else that could be causing an issue. After a few months, we will be ready to try again. But right now, we could use your love and prayers.